I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease in December, two days before my 25th birthday. Getting a diagnosis like that is such a weird balance between being angry that I have to live with this for the rest of my life and being relieved to know what is wrong with me. Mostly I'm angry. Living in a constant state of feeling sick is exhausting. Fatigue is one of the symptoms, too. I am so tired, every day of my life. I've been this way for the last 2 years - tired. I wish there were a better word for it. I'm tired of saying that I'm tired. I'm tired of sleeping all the time - and simultaneously not being able to sleep (that part is probably the most exhausting). I'm tired of my hair falling out.
So many people in my life still don't know about my autoimmune disease. I got tired of explaining it and I got tired of the pity.
I'm angry that I feel like I have such little support.
I'm angry that the results from my most recent blood work says that my thyroid levels are normal. I don't feel like they are. It's weird that I hoped to see irregular results. I know that.
I'm angry that a doctor saw my autoimmune disease seven fucking years ago and made the conscious decision not to tell me. I was barely 18 then. I wonder if I wouldn't be dealing with this if he had said something in 2016.
This disease makes me feel crazy and it's so goddamn exhausting.
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